I'm Broken, or I have become comfortably numb

I feel guilty after browsing Facebook just now. Guilty because I posted something jokey while many of my friends are discussing the mass murder at the synagogue in Pittsburgh.

This is what's happened to me: I've become news-phobic and feelings-phobic as a defense mechanism. Last week, with the news of the pipe bombs, my reaction was basically "yeah, that seems like a thing that would happen". And it was the same with the synagogue shooting, if I'm being honest with myself. It's just a numbness, a nihilistic, fuck it all, this place is doomed kind of feeling. I thought it was universal, but some people have told me that they still have hope. I honestly don't know how they do.

It feels to me like we're in a death spiral now, with opposing factions feeding each other memetic ammo. I know that people have called for Trump to denounce white nationalists. I don't know if he has. I'm fairly sure it wouldn't matter one iota if he did, because they know he's their guy.

It feels like there's nothing to be done. The standard playbook says, let's make this a chance to talk about gun control. You know what happens when we do that? Gun sales and NRA memberships spike. Talk of gun control legislation is catnip to the gun industry.

I'm just sick that it seems like whatever we do, it plays into the "we want you to hate the other guys" game. On the left it's going to be "this is because of Trump", an idea that has intellectual merit but will just increase polarization. The right will see it and claim victimhood, saying that the left unfairly portrays them all as anti-semites, which is also a fair point. Both sides will get angrier at the other side and call each other nazis or cucks or snowflakes or fascists or whatever and the game will continue, and undoubtedly someone won't realize that it's all a stupid game and they'll go out and murder a bunch of people and it'll kind of be all of our faults. Because we need to just cool it all down, which is really difficult to do when you're dealing with horrible ideologies but nevertheless seems like the only way out of this.

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